Updated: May 23, 2021
So let’s talk about Friendship. It’s not the quantity of friendships that matter, it’s the quality of friendships that matter. As we get older navigating the journey of friendship is not easy, so it’s easier to focus on only some important people in your life that you can call your true friends and the ones that matter. And how do you identify one?
As I write this, I already lost a friend whom I considered a dear friend but it was more of a parasitic relationship where one is taking advantage of the other. Glad I realized the hypocrisy of this person whom I thought I can call my true friend. Honestly, I don't feel a sense of regret or sadness over why this relationship ended as it was meant to be.
Ask yourself- Is there someone in your life whom you would feel comfortable phoning at 4 am in the morning to tell your troubles? It is literally one person. This is not somebody you would call in an emergency. Everybody jumps in an emergency. This is someone you call to tell your troubles to, somebody you know who’s there for you.
Try to nurture your relationships with that 4am friend and stop putting your energy towards those surface level friends.
What friends from the past do you feel you’re holding on to and why?
Do a Friend Cleanse. You have friends who are supportive and those who are depleting, but you may also have people in your life who, while not toxic, don’t help you to feel good about yourself.
Maybe it’s the friend you don’t have much in common with anymore yet you still feel guilty when you don’t make plans. Or, maybe it’s a former colleague or neighbor who you don’t see any more but beat yourself up about not reaching out to. List who these people are for you.
One important mindset shift is to change the way you think about friendships. As you get older and your values change, some friends will no longer align with your life and that’s okay. Don’t make yourself wrong about it. You’ve grown. If a friendship doesn’t align with your values and leaves you feeling down, let it go.
Try these steps:
Be truthful to yourself
Reflect on your friendships. Exactly how are your close friends making you really feel? If your current friends are not present in those times of need when you really need them, they aren't truly your close friends.
Take a deep breath and address the fact that it's time to let go of some friendships.
2. Are your paths with your friends compatible anymore?
Sometimes, as we grow, our paths change. The plans we made with our friends may not be feasible anymore and that's ok. Choose friends that match with your plans and help you grow further. A "strive, play tough" attitude is something to think of when selecting good friends.
When you have actually determined to finish a relationship, maintain a concept in your mind that it is an option you will certainly stick to eventually. If a close friend is not an excellent impact on you and also does not sustain you, bringing positivity right into your life- stay clear of pulling away back to them. You do not require them now or in the future.
4. Locate other individuals that are extra helpful.
After you remove from negative relationships, you might seem like a loner. You might locate a vacuum in your routine on Friday evening since one or a few of your core close friends run out the picture. Stick to your choice- since that's all right! As opposed to moping and also assuming that you're ineffective, be efficient and also begin networking. Call individuals from your past that you believe are intriguing as well as would love to overtake quickly.
Make strategies to hang out with these influential people. You might be going beyond your convenience area in doing so, yet if you do not develop brand-new favorable links, you will certainly stay like a lone wolf. Be aggressive, and also construct a brand-new magnificent social life!
5. Release. Separate. Go on.
Close friend cleanse can be tough psychologically, yet if it's a great choice, it will typically develop your self-confidence. There might be individuals you "clean" from that you have actually understood for many years, as well as in senior high school you envisioned they would certainly remain in your wedding celebration. However, as soon as you recognize that they wished to capitalize what you have, or press you to reach the top- you see that they were never ever fans the whole time.
Regardless of any type of warm memories that continue to be, if you do not miss them, your good friend clean was an attractive, healthy and balanced act. You are gold, as well as should have gold buddies. So, release, separate, as well as go on!
I love this metaphor from Jay Shetty: FRIENDSHIPS ARE LIKE A TREE. Some friends are leaves. A tree has hundreds of leaves. Every season those leaves turn green. The energy they absorb from the sun and rain give the tree life. Then seasons change. Leaves wither and die so that a new set of leaves can replace them when it’s time. It’s a natural process.
Some friends are only meant to be with you for a season. Some friends are branches. Branches are a little stronger than leaves but branches can break when they become too weighted down. Some friendships cannot handle the weight of life’s hard times. But they were there for you through the good times. There for a reason. Some friends are roots. Roots run deep and strong. They hold a tree firm in place, and help the tree ride out even the strongest storms.
You don’t always see the roots, but their presence is felt. These are your friends for a lifetime.
Check out the printable section on how to do a friend cleanse. An easy weekday exercise for you to try to be at peace.
Spring it on. Mel Robbins. Retrieved from: https://melrobbins.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/springiton_week1.pdf
Think Like a Monk. (2020, April) Jay Shetty.